My future self talks to me all the time and this is what she says:
Read my blog post titled: “How to relieve our worry”
In it I quote Dr. Joe Dispenza, who reminds us of this:
“The hormones of stress cause us to select the worst-case scenario in some future and begin to emotionally brace ourselves for that event, in order to protect ourselves from that outcome. Now the problem with that is that out of the infinite potentials in the quantum field, we are selecting the worst possible outcome and emotionally embracing it.” – Dr. Joe dispenza
Why she wants me to worry less
Worrying, or focusing on our negative thoughts, brings us out of the present. It’s a clear signal for me.
I do it all the time.
Worrying is a prayer for chaos – Gabby Bernstein
Up until this point, even though logically I knew that worrying isn’t helpful, I wasn’t able to fully give myself permission to let go of this negative thought pattern. I had been on a mindfulness path for a few years and everything that was coming up had been for a reason. I hadn’t been ready to let go of this fear, and then one day, I was.
I started feeling the grips of fear letting go.
I believe this is both a process our bodies have to go through and also a decision we have to make.
Can we still feel safe and secure without holding onto our fear.
I engage with my fear, both out of habit and because I actually have a belief that it keeps me safe.
Every day, however, I take steps towards freedom.
Have you ever told yourself that you wished you knew then what you know now?
I tap into this experience by gaining visions of the future and what my 90-year-old self wants me to know…. when all is said and done…. and it’s just me, my memories and time….
She would smile at me and said, “Laugh more and worry less.”
My oldest daughter is at an age where I realize that these kids do grow up.
Our babies, sleepless nights and all….. just do not stay babies forever.
When you’re in that moment, it feels like forever.
….like it will never end….
But it will….. and when you look back, how to do you want to remember those moments?
When I am free of worry, I am able to b e present and my memory is so full and vibrant. I feel like I can say I fully lived these moments.
When I am worrying, I forget things….
And for me, when I am looking back on this time with my kids, I want to remember that I lived them to the fullest, that I was present….
This is a decision that I’ve made, based on my experiences…. that I have a goal of being present.
And when I am worrying, I recognize that I am either in the past or in the future and it’s just not worth it.
Because all we have is the present moment.
This isn’t just a fluffy self-help, trendy, new age saying.
…it’s the truth.
I recently watched this Will Smith video, where he describes making plans to go sky diving. He describes a person being terrified in their bed the night before… actually go through with the plan the next day, and still feeling intense fear, right up until the jump actually happens.
He says that right after you jump, you feel bliss…. and it’s actually the most dangerous part… but rather feel terrified, you feel exhilierated…. and free.
With no risk involved, why do we feel intense fear as we lay in our bed at night?
It’s our ego’s way…and our human attempt at safety…. of keeping up from doing something dangerous.
Will Smith reminds us that everything we want is on the other side of fear.
I wrote about fear meeting bravery in a blog post here… it’s a good one.
With fear, comes love.
With fear, comes joy.
When we re-train our brains to be excited and reassured by fear…. we can live differently.
It’s ok to be afraid, and it’s ok to do it anyways.
Sometimes this means that we practice at a skill… we are afraid of falling, or failing, but we cultivate courage and do it anyways.
Sometimes this means we decide that we aren’t going to let our fearful stories dictate the way we feel… or what we continue to think about.
…. and ultimately how we act and react to those we love.
How can I relax with all this responsibility? How can I just let things go?
I have asked myself this many times…. and the blissfulness that I had always been striving for felt so far away.
The great advice I was receiving just didn’t feel attainable to me.
I was frantic…. and depending upon what time of the day or day of the week you get me…. I am totally frantic.
I am overwhelmed…
…. I am freaking out….
Rightfully so…. right?!
So I know what it feels like to feel out of control.
And in these moments…. do not try to remind me of all the positive things.
…. do not advise me to read this very blog post…
…because I won’t listen…. I just want to be stuck in those moments.
… because somewhere I still don’t believe that I am worthy of the gift….
…the gift of the moment….
…. the opportunity….
…. the light in the darkness…
…. I use the negative thought pattern and the physical discomfort to coerce myself into change.
I bribe myself with pain in order to invoke a change in situation. Maybe if I feel bad enough, I won’t have to feel future pain…. I will once and for all learn my lesson…. and we can move on once and for all.
Other times, the physical pain of staying present with my emotions is just that…. a physical event… and once I remove the thoughts from the experience, I can allow it to move through more quickly…. sometimes it moves quickly and other times it just doesn’t.
And I have learned to honor this feeling of being stuck but also recognizing the thoughts that correlate with this experience. I commit to detachment from these thoughts.
These are the patterns I have noticed myself getting into.
If I have trouble detaching from a worrisome thought, I shift my focus to something that is physical…. getting outside and enjoying the sunshine… doing dishes… cleaning… making a donation bin… taking a hot bath…taking a rest… reading… social media… whatever works.
I commit to living a life I want now, rather than a life I am striving for.
It’s never perfect… and moments gets super intense…. when I am not at peace, I can be truthfully dumbfounded…. the kids are fighting… I am super uncomfortable… the energy is so high…. I am overwhelmed… the stories are playing loudly with no end in sight…
…perhaps it’s like the transition that occurs when a woman is having a baby….
… the moment she doesn’t think she can go any more is the exact moment that she is transitioning into the final stage to meet her baby. It’s actually a reliable sign that she is ready to have her baby.
I can use this during my moments, when I think that I am about to explode because everyone is screaming or crying at once… the feeling of being overwhelmed is at a high and for me… I just need everything to stop… to slow down…
….and when it comes to kids, just as in life…there is just no controlling what is going to happen.
They will be who they are, and respond to the situation however they feel like it.
I’m at my lowest point when I judge the situation and think everything should be different than it is.
The worrying includes my limiting beliefs screaming at me what should be happening and isn’t, or how things would be better if they were different.
This is habit, this is past lives, this is energy from other people/things, this is past traumas….
…. there are different reasons why the brain goes to running this pattern when experiencing stress.
And when we call it out for what it is, over time, it helps to lessen it.
Do you feel it’s possible to live a life with a little less worry?
What would your 90-year-old self tell you if she could?
Could you listen?
And how would your life change, ever-so-slightly, if you did.
Thank you for reading and God bless.