Self Care Can Transform Relationships

Being a parent is not easy.

No one tells you how hard it is.

Especially now.

…at this time.

No one tells you the transformation you will under go at the hands of your creations.

…Amidst the chaos, there is a slow, light-weight energy…

… the eye of the storm…

… the feathery fluff…

… when Wreck-it-Ralph is falling in slow motion after he pounds the Momentos trying to save Vanellope…

It is where I yearn to be.

In this place of peace and weightlessness…

… Most times, rather, I find myself in the grips of my ideas and beliefs about how I think things should look, what I should be, what they should be and how this whole things should be playing out.

Wreck it ralph

This idea of conscious parenting…

Or, parenting from a spiritual perspective… which, to any of us on a spiritual path, it means LIFE…

Or, any of us who are parents, who aren’t comfortable…

…who are yelling or feeling frustrated, or spend a lot of time saying: “My kid doesn’t listen.”

This stressful place of confusion and agitation… I am right there with you. I know how hard it is to live authentically and raise children….and care for a marriage… and other relationships…and live in the world…make a living… and go grocery shopping..and do laundry… and do everything else that manages to scream importance to us on a daily basis.

I have been listening to Lori Petro, from Teach Through Love and although I have watched her videos before, something was different this time around. I am different.

This spiritual concept: whatever is upsetting us internally is a projection of what’s going on inside…

we are invited to apply us this to our relationship with our children.

And that is what it is… a relationship.

So many times I get caught up in wanting so desperately to get him to stop hitting or her to stop whining… I need peace, right?! I mean, enough is enough… I just need EVERYONE TO STOP.

 

We think we have done this work so many times that our ego convinces us that we really are crazy and fear really is the reality and love is the illusion.

I have really heard Lori this time when she says that when we are responding in a strong way, we have been triggered. And that it is.

She reminds us how important self-care is so we can better show up for our assignments…

My heart swells for the mixing my spiritual practices with my relationship with my kids and I feel it in my bones that I am seeing what I need to see here!

It’s not about endorsing our kid’s hurtful behavior, but re-framing it and coming at it from a perspective of “How can I help.”

And then admitting when we don’t know… and then forgiving ourselves for not knowing…

We want to surrender the things we aren’t that attached to, and cling to the things we care so much about. For me, it’s my relationship with my kids. I WANT SO BADLY FOR IT TO BE A CERTAIN WAY.

We want them to be happy… to contribute… to be helpers… and I want to have a great relationship with them. There is so much pressure. Years and years of beliefs that have manifested and taught consciously and subconsciously have kidnapped our ability to live from a place of authenticity, joy, conviction and peace. We want so badly for things to be a certain way because that is all we know… and we don’t even stop to question why.

I invite you to ask why.

It’s ok to be angry. And it’s ok to be sad, to feel hurt, and feel embarrassed. We won’t explode if we say that aloud. And neither will our kids.

If anything, it’ll help build their brains to respond in a way that best serves them…and the world.

Self- Care

I have learned that I have a lot of energy. I am a capricorn and my moon sign is Aries. And I am Italian.

Rather than meditate my way to peace, I have recognized the importance of releasing my energy through physical activity.

When my energy gets stagnant, I get stressed… and out of balance…and agitated.

I have started to mix exercise with slow moving practices like stretching, yoga and meditation.

And hot baths!

I have always loved a hot bath.

Exercise is healthy, we know this. It is now that I am seeing how important it is and how it makes me better able to show up for my kids… because I have to release my stress and excess energy somehow…

and meditation and creative expression are just two ways to do this… they may not be the only ways… and we must keep going until we find something that resonates with us…and our bodies…and who we are.

How Self Care has made my relationships better

We spend so much of our time reacting to our world.

How much time do we spend making it a point to do something for ourselves… every single day?

This isn’t just some woo woo idea… a “oh-wouldn’t-it-be-nice”…

Self care is serious business.

And by that, I mean we must make ourselves a priority, if it’s just for 5 minutes a day.

This means that our bodies… as well as our minds…

Are focused on ourselves… on our internal condition… on our soul.

For just 5 minutes a day.

It’s our time to be connected.. to ourselves…and our Creator.

Then we may extend outwards into the physical aspect of what releasing endorphins can do for our bodies.

I have spent plenty of time putting my focus on my external condition.

“If only they could…. if they would just…. wouldn’t it be better if they all did…”

And while these may be true, and things would be easier if they all just did…

This is about owning our power… taking responsibility for ourselves and the energy we bring to our families.

I recognize that when I take this time for myself, there aren’t as many clouds in my mind.

And in my body.

And just a little less clouds makes a huge difference.

Things don’t seem…. as bad.

Something that may have triggered me before, I can more easily brush off and move on.

And over time, these experiences grow…

…and we really do become the calm within the chaos.

We really can show up in a way that allows us to be in service… pro active..

..rather than always just reacting to our world.

 

Can you notice any ways in which you can go inward when your kids are upsetting you, rather than outward by lecturing, yelling, controlling the physical?

What are some ways you release stress and excess energy, and how does this help you better show up for yourself and the people in your life?

Thank you for reading and have a beautiful day.

Love,

Nikki

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