Ways I have released my fear and embraced authenticity
Maybe they can help you too!
“I am free falling into the unknown and I am pleased and amazed at the journey… we are ready to expand and move forward… we are ready to step into the space of truth, love and authenticity… ready to step into the possibilities of living a life beyond our wildest dreams… “
Asking how we can release our fears is heading in the right direction. Being curious about living a more authentic life will open us up to the teachings…to the teachers… to lessons that will help us… the answers we want.
Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “If you have a question about something… keep asking… if you’re interested in something… keep being interested….”
When we find ourselves asking questions about these concepts, or any concept, it’s our mind slowly but surely forming new neuro pathways… this is where we start looking at the world differently. We are willing to see things differently.
Curiosity is what slows the aging process… and it’s what helps us to see things outside of the box.
It’s the willingness to learn…to ask questions… to see a better way.
“We don’t have to be perfect…only willing.” Iyanla Vanzant
This guidance has helped me re-train my brain and change the language that I use.
The willingness to release our fear and step into our authenticity is the most important step. Without our willingness, we just have information. We must be willing to be transformed…
Just a dash of willingness is all is takes…. to open us up to change.
Belief about our kids’ development
There are many times when I am at my wit’s end and I yell. I lecture. I threaten. I punish and restrict. I do all of this because not only am I frustrated but because I think these measures will help.
What I am curious about is what would happen if I wasn’t furious? Would things move in a way that was more free, loving, and creative? Would problems solves themselves?
What would it look like if I completely changed my response to them?
What would be left is just the helping part.
I would be thrown into my own inner work every time I was triggered… it’s great practice, don’t get me wrong, but I am far enough long here that I do a lot of work on myself. This was just a matter of fine tuning. I didn’t have to be empathetic every time my kids were throwing a fit.
We want to do whatever works to help our kids.
Instead of assuming they should be father along, or they shouldn’t be acting that way because they should’ve out grown that, etc… I have accepted the belief that where they are is where they are…. and understandable for their ages. I can help their brains learn how to respond in a better way.
I have read child development books but it wasn’t until I completely felt compelled to give up my attachment to the way I think things should look, or how they should act… that I started to feel it in my soul to change… and move towards looking at my own internal condition more deeply.
I experience inspiration daily, as it’s been my steady friend. When I am inspired, I feel guided… I am being guided. It’s a tool I use to help me move… A prayer I have had for a while is to take guided action.
For me, living from inspiration is what helps me feel purposeful and connected. Speaking of being connected…
Meditation and prayer are vital. Everyone meditates differently. For me, I tap into that sense within myself that is undefined… that energy…that essence…where I can feel divine presence. If possible, I tap into this place when I am un easy with my kids or if they are fighting.
A tool one of my spiritual teachers, Gabby Bernstein, has shared is this: a mantra/mudra that you can say in the moment to help bring you back to center. I have used it numerous times and my kids have picked it up. I have judged myself repeatedly for “forgetting to pray” in those moments when I have unleashed my anger. Today, I am steadily remembering to tap into my connection with Source… with my roots… to cultivate a sense of peace and safety when I feel a lack of it in those moments.
This is trust in knowing that the universe is working in our favor. We do not know what we don’t know. We don’t know what lessons we are meant to learn or what lessons our kids are meant to learn.
I personally rarely give myself enough credit for being a loving parent to my kids. My husband, my best friends, my counselor and coach have told me that I am a loving mother and the way I am so mindful and conscious about our relationship and the way we interact… shows that I am being a loving parent.
We have a hard time forgiving ourselves and we have a hard time trusting the process.
If we don’t feel trust (hello, me everyday!) then we must make a practice out of cultivating this trust. We can meditate on what it would feel like if we trusted the universe…if we trusted our kids… if we trusted ourselves.
What would that feel like?
Ask our Creator to guide you and show you where you are meant to be. How to be a guide for your children.
I have had a few not-so-nice conversations with my angels in my darkest moments… Like, are you testing me?! Well, I get it, I swear! Just help me now, please!
A great piece of advice I was: If you don’t have faith in yourself, lean on someone else’s faith. Like I said, my loved ones support me and I can lean on their faith. I can lean on the faith of authors I have learned from…of spiritual teachers… I can lean on their faith in moments when I feel I have none.
I also trust in the ‘light bulb’ moment. It’s like when you are studying a subject you don’t really understand, and then one day, it clicks…
Love for my inner child
Just when I think my work is done…. and we can laugh because it never will be as long as we are on this earth.
When my kids are fighting… or my son is being aggressively physical because he is so angry, hurt and sad… I have traced my own anger back to feeling threatened…feeling unsafe.
Fight or flight.
So taking that information, I meditated on my un safeness and for me, it’s about loving my inner child…doing inner child work where I go back and reframe a memory. I go back to either a past memory or just sink into what it feels like to be un safe and uncertain. That fear that was introduced to me as an infant…
I am working on writing a piece about my own birth story. I know I am on the right path, that something is there because it resonates with me. Is inner child work always the answer? I’d say no… I did it for a little while and now I am coming back to it after sometime without touching on it much. It’s all about what resonates with us and what our intuitive sense is telling us about our external world. Maybe one day, we know we just need to release our energy somehow, and so we exercise. And we move on. Maybe another day we use affirmations all day. Whatever tool works for me at the moment I need it, is the tool I use. And for me, recently, loving my inner baby is where I need to be… it just feels good… it feels exciting… it feels like what I am meant to do on this earth… learn, feel, heal, teach, repeat…. it feels good and I believe that is what a spiritual tool is meant to do for us.
As for authenticity…. I wouldn’t feel authentic if I wasn’t emotionally present with myself. This is one of the hardest things about being a parent. Being present with ourselves and being present with our kids at the same time is not always possible. And that, to me, feels icky. My kids see me cry…they see me sad and scared. They know when their fighting has gotten to me and in these moments, they stand tall…. I am learning more about this… asking questions about why they shine when I am falling…. transfer of energy is very possible. I absorb as much as their aggression as I can until then I explode… and then they’re good.
When I show sadness or cry, they shine bright. They comfort me. They hug me. They apologize. They sit with me and are present with me. The words that my 8 year old daughter speaks are profound and divine.
Am I concerned that I see this when I sit into my sorrow? No… because here is the good news:
My kids see me when I am truly sad and they see me when I am truly joyous.
It is of great importance to me to be authentic. So when we make this our goal, then the universe lines up experiences to help us out.
My kids understand emotion, they know compassion….because I am not afraid to experience my truth right along side them. We live in a fearful world, there is no sheltering our kids from that. We adults hold a lot of fear in our hearts. There is no denying that. The best I can, because it is what resonates with me, is to be present with myself while I have feelings.
Recently we have been talking about being comfortable vs uncomfortable. Boredom is a big one for my kids. It’s so uncomfortable. Sadness is another one… they sit in sadness all the time, they just don’t like to stay there long. It has really helped to talk with my son, especially (he is 5 and likes to poke and hit his sister), about comfortable vs uncomfortable. He really understands this idea and I believe over time it will sink in. It’s about recognizing where we are when we are uncomfortable and how we can get back to where we want to be, which is comfortable.
I had a flash of fear recently that had to do with the idea of our energy being imprinted onto our kids. I read a study somewhere that said that even mothers who were depressed could smile a lot at their babies and their babies wouldn’t be affected as much by the mother’s depression.
I live in a vibration of love. There are MANY times when I fall out of the vortex, as Abraham would say. I am triggered a lot with my kids. They feel so unpredictable… I am sure Lori would say “Because they are!”
It’s this unpredictability that causes me the stress, and fall from love…. because I keep getting back into the ring. I keep getting centered….forgiving them and myself…every day. I have more peaceful, loving and alive moments than I do the moments of despair. My heart says, “Keep doing what you are doing.”
This is a call to go deeper into our own selves… what parts of ourselves need more love and attention. What can our adult selves give our inner child that we hadn’t had?
Do you have any techniques or ideas that have helped to move you from fear to love and authenticity? Are there any areas that you struggle with that you are ready to get to work on?
Please share with me your thoughts, questions and comments by commenting here or connecting with me on Facebook or Instagram.
God bless and thank you.