When you change your point of view, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to see a different side of the same object.
The same place, person or situation, can look completely different, depending upon where you are standing.
The Re-Frame Game
To re-frame something is to change your language surrounding. It’s to re-word it so it’s less of a negative statement/perspective, and more of a positive one.
The Benefits
- We are creating the type of experience we want to have, reinforcing our desires, rather than reinforcing what we don’t want.
- We are using our mind to aid in our health and reduce our stress levels.
- Mindfulness of our language is a way to change our lives in a positive way.
- We start to feel better the more we feed a positive perspective.
What Re-Framing is Not
- Lying – We are not telling ourselves a lie or trying to make ourselves be convinced of something. We are searching for/creating a statement that we actually believe.
- Something that needs to be done while we are in a heated moment. It CAN be a way to move ourselves through a difficult moment, but this isn’t the time to be creative or peaceful in our thought. When we are having a tough time, we need to soothe ourselves, and not make ourselves feel guilty or pressured to “fix the situation.”
- A tool to judge ourselves…. we leave all the “shoulds” at the door.
I feel very much called to transparency and authenticity. I am NOT PERFECT and all of the tools I share with you are ones that I work on EVERY.SINGLE.DAY…. and mess up every single day.
I have gotten myself to a point where I definitely feel less guilt over my mistakes and disappointments.
This is a HUGE accomplishment for me.
This relieves a lot of the pressure and momentum that depression and negativity can have.
I have noticed a big difference in my life just through my learned ability to release guilt.
So now I am free to make mistakes.
And I do so REGULARLY.
So even as I type this, I just finished saying things to my kids that I don’t agree with and having thoughts that I don’t agree with.
I do have the awareness now to know how to let it go, move on and learn from my mistakes. Without judging myself for being an awful person and a terrible parent.
Here are some examples I experience JUST TODAY:
1.) I can’t take it
This is funny but very true. I will utter these words before 10 am on Labor Day because the kids have been arguing, my son has reacted with outbursts a handful of times and my mind has me convinced that things should be different than they are.
The re-frame: I can take a time out for myself
When I feel overwhelmed, I can give myself permission to take a break by myself. This can mean go scream into my pillow, lock myself in my bath room and throw my own tantrum (you all want to be a fly on the wall for that, I know)… or I can go to jumping jacks outside in the bright sunshine…. I can go do something physically that takes me out of the moment and back into connection with my inner world… I can connect with spirit and ask for help.
2.) We should do something together as a family
I have learned a long time ago, thanks to Louise Hay, that anytime we are saying the word “should”, it’s an opportunity to dive deeper.
When we use the word “should”, it’s almost as if we are speaking for someone else. It’s an expression of beliefs that we have acquired, based on what others have said to us, whether we actually agree with the belief or not.
The re-frame: I’d love to do something together as a family
I am asserting my desire into our experience with love and thoughtfulness. It carries a different energy, as the first seems almost like I fear rejection, I am uncertain about how I feel or how I believe the day “should” go or what I think it “should” look like.
Perhaps I desire to spend time at the park together, or maybe just hanging out at home… It’s cool to acknowledge what it is we truly want.
3.) You better stop doing that right now or we aren’t going anywhere.
I love this one. I am a great example of someone who “tries really hard and then looses it.” For me, it feels like I have so much awareness and still carrying perfectionist tendencies, that I check off every great piece of language I say.
I am super supportive when my son is having a meltdown of emotions. He is experiencing disappointment left and right. His self control is at a 2 on a scale of 1-10. I am staying patient, I am super kind, I am offering things that may soothe him…make him feel just a little bit better.
The energy and momentum in the house increases, as we are moving towards a transition… not much different than a laboring woman, (I’d love to dive deeper in to THAT metaphor!) but for now I will leave it right there.
There are transitions… we move from the morning energy to an afternoon energy. From sitting around vegging out, to we get dressed and start moving towards leaving.
I have so much patience, love and compassion and then with the increased energy, two other kids battling their own discomforts, I find myself melting into my own discouragement.
I just need it all the stop because it feels like my own head is going to explode and due to time I am not allowing myself permission to take a step back… to take a time out for myself…
So, the judgement is made and my explosion comes without apparent warning, although it’s crystal clear to me that it’s been brewing.
The re-frame: I need to take a moment to myself so we can leave safely.
Tempted to say something like, “We can’t go anywhere if we are all fighting… how will we find our way to the car?”…. but usually the kids are already too fired up to hear what I am saying if it’s a rational thought.
Taking myself out of the equation for a few minutes has served me well when my energy doesn’t seem to be helping the situation or I find myself melting down.
Diagnosis during pregnancy 