Side of the road advice

“This is scary to me,” I tell him.

He pulls the ear buds from his ear, smiling a big smile and I repeat again,

“This is scary to me.”

The sun is shining, I cannot see his eyes because of his sunglasses, but he laughs and says in a most reassuring way,

“You’ll make it.”

I was on my way to a well check up this morning and the main road near my  house was under construction. They were letting cars get through, but it was a tight squeeze.

Up until this point, my energy has been up and down. Living with and parenting my kids has left me exhausted.

A pattern of mine is to have an experience with one or two of my kids, that is unpleasant.

A typical scenario is: kids are disappointed and I am trying really hard to stay in my flow…

Laugh here at the thought of trying to stay in the flow.

…which is the exact opposite of being in the flow…sigh…

In this scenario, I am being triggered moment-by-moment, like scuttling through a haunted house; darkness and uncertainty looms, startling screams at every turn…waiting for the next uncomfortable and terrifying scare. Not a matter of what, but when…

The pattern is that I send them off to school, and still hold the vibration of our disappointment… I over analyze the experience. This deep road to self discovery and self-love has put me in a position where I believe I may be fully ready to acknowledge that I am sensitive to deep emotions and experiences.

It’s no wonder I care so much about emotions because I am affected by them so deeply. The hurtful things our kids say to us that we are supposed to let go because they are kids, hit me hard. The tantrums they throw because they feel really frustrated with their own experience and lack of skill set to exhibit emotional intelligence, takes me time to recover from.

My response to these interactions is important..I am teaching them the skill set to recover from their own disappointments and how to interact with their own feelings.

So I put a lot of pressure on myself to react….responsibly.

I’m not the Buddha and neither are they.

We are a little zen, and seriously, not really….

I am still so conditioned with old programming that I react without thinking…

….and it strikes me like a sword every time….

… if I am supposed to know better, why don’t I do better?

Compassion anyone?

…forgiveness, lately, Nikki?

 

Please have it for yourself, dear.

Forgivness- Tina Prana Booster

 

I could probably give you a list of all the beautiful moments where I have shown compassion and forgiveness… and yet the moments where I have not… jab my heart, relentlessly.

Lesson and affirmation to cure my guilt-ridden blues:

You are a damn good mom… and you are doing the best you can… you’re better than you were yesterday and you will keep on trying every day.

If anyone else needs to hear that today… here it is… and I say it with heart and soul:

You are a damn good mom… and you are doing the best you can… you’re better than you were yesterday and you will keep on trying every day.

Roadside advice

So back to this morning…. I had to get myself and Truly together for my appointment and I decided to take a bath, put on some jeans and my Super Love Tees shirt: Let go, be guided, expect miracles.

Let go be guided expect miracles

I pulled out of my neighborhood and soon came to the construction area, and the young construction worker who was signaling traffic.

My road is not crowded, so I was the only car there. And for whatever reason, I told pulled up and told him,

“This is scary to me.”

Maybe I would be the only driver who spoke to him, or/and maybe he was the gift I needed:

“You’ll make it,” he lovingly and confidently said through a laugh.

As I continue to drive, I replay the conversation in my head, and realize how profound it was.

Did I just share with this young man, all my fears, weaknesses and worries about this existence?

Yes….. why, yes I did….

And did he just tell me,

“You’ll make it…”?

Yes… yes, he did.

I am laughing at this point…. cheering, even…

His conviction…. it floated me through.

 

And it still does…. have you noticed an experience that seems Divine?

Please share… thank you and have a beautiful day!

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2 thoughts on “Side of the road advice

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