When a loved one weds: A bittersweet symphony

My baby cousin got married this weekend.

Calling him my baby cousin has yet to get old, although he is much taller than me.

 

Ryan and Nicole at weddingRyan and Nicole 5th grade

It hasn’t gotten old because in my heart… and my mind…he is a little baby.

He is the first little baby I remember holding.

He is the first little boy I have memories of playing with.

We have loads of pictures and they assist my mind in remembering the times we spent.

I am an only child, and these early relationships are embedded in the experiences that shape my existence now.

It’s a fascinating process.

As the ceremony continues, I sit side by side my family, feeling the deep nostalgia.

The air is full of a full circle essence.

We breath in what was, what is and the potentiality of what is to come. Our minds race from the moment he was born, to 50 years from now when the bride and groom become the parents of the bride.

The past lingers in the midst and we simultaneously feel the totality of possibility.

Love is infinite.

The love we have shared joins the love we all feel now.

It feels separate, although it’s the same.

The same love.

Time causes us to think in a linear fashion and yet we feel the timelessness energy of the divine.

We think what was…. is different than what is…. and what will be.

And yet…. it’s all happening at the same time.

Now.

Our best option is to see how far we’ve come.

Hold the love and presence in our hearts and be willing to understand that there is no beginning and no end…

… just a continuation of love.

Just a feeling of love now.

The ceremony coincided with the wedding anniversary of my grandparents.

Pap and Bebe get married

Bebe and Mick

They had four children, and their youngest gave her son away on the same day.

As my grandfather sits by the throne in Heaven, I can feel his healing of our family.

I can feel our love and compassion for ourselves and each other get richer.

I am grateful.

I see our bride’s father rest his hand on her back, after an embrace… and I feel the moment I will give my daughter away.

I feel this father’s life flash before my eyes…. and he spent her whole life raising her…. and now gives her away to start a new chapter in her beautiful life.

There must be a sense of relief.

A bittersweetness of holding on and letting go.

With joy.

And trust.

Some weddings you see yourself in the bride and groom.

You feel the moment you committed to your partner, and re kindle the flame.

And other weddings, you see your daughter… you see your brother…

… you see how a little boy grows into a man and starts doing things of a man.

We thank the Lord for our boy’s happiness… for his miraculous unfolding.

It’s very maternal.

It’s seeing your own daughter grow and knowing that she will one day become a woman.

Charlie and Truly(Grooms man, Dustin, with Charlie and Truly)

It’s taking the moment for granted and simultaneously treasuring every second.

We know one, because of the other.

And we know the presence because we have lived the past.

And we can embrace the future because we see how far we’ve come.

So I sit here and stick my nose into Truly’s flower girl flowerball… it smells so good and I will soon decide if I will put it in water or hang it to dry.

FlowerballTruly

Either way, we cannot keep this moment. We are merely passing through.

The world will reveal moments to us where we are allowed to remember… the smell of the flowers… the photos… the music….

We will stumble upon these miracles as the days go by, and they are reminders to us of this day.

…of this love.

They are reminders to us that we are always allowed home again… that we may always return to love.

So the flowers will die but there will always be another flower right around the corner of life…

… inviting us back into a moment that made us feel so good.

We believe it to be a past memory, and yet…. it’s happening right when we smell that flower.

For the past is always in our hearts.

It’s always with us….as if it’s happening to us right now.

We can bring it into our awareness whenever we want.

It never really passed.

It has just taken another form.

And so grief of these memories may exist.

But may we always know we have access to these experiences whenever we close our eyes and sit in stillness…. whenever we smell those flowers…

…whenever we hear that song.

And just as a marriage is a blessing to the world,

the circle of life continues to bless us.

Ryan and Caroline

 

Have a beautiful week!

 

 

 

 

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