Faith · Fear · joy · parenting · pregnancy · Prenatal Diagnosis

Running out of the darkness: How a song about Jesus reminded me of who I am

Even knowing Jesus as a child, and growing a relationship with God as an adult… when tragedy and uncertainty strike, surrender boot camp begins.

Tuning into this type of surrender changed me.

…. letting go, and leaning in.

… this has transformed the way I feel into all experiences, relationships, interactions, how I raise my children, and how I live my life.

It looks like writing your words on the world, sharing your desires, and giving God permission to transform your human-ness… and your heart.

It’s realizing that this worry…. that burdens our being…. is not of God, but of this earth.

…. and it’s not a burden we are meant to carry.

In fact… when the worry becomes so intense and overwhelming, we are left swimming in murky waters… our backs are to the wall… our feet are held to the fire… and we must choose…. the shackles of fear or the freedom of surrender.

We grip to fear as much as fear grips us.

Once we allow a higher power to transform this experience for us…. we are letting go of what we think things should be…. what things could be…. and stepping into what they can be… and actually, what they truly are.

Once the burden of fear becomes so great, we crumble, and are forced to reckon with whether we should or should not…. let go.

…. there is freedom in this.

We don’t have to do it alone….

…. we are not relying on our strength alone….

… We design and then hand over to the Designer….

… We create and hand it over to the Creator…

…. We heal and hand it over to the Healer….

This Song

After our clinical diagnosis during my pregnancy, I gripped Jesus’ hand tighter than every before. When you’re going through something terrifying and unknown, for a certain amount of time… it makes an opportunity to grow a relationship with Him. Leaning on Him becomes like breathing…. Every thought becomes a surrender… every moment pulls into the comfy couch of the unknown… getting comfortable with the uncomfortable…

We learn that not understanding is the way and the truth and it’s not necessary for peace… for expansion… for purpose…. for life to continue…

We learn that every moment…. is an invitation.

….an invitation to surrender, let go of the pain and suffering, the fear and the hurt…

… an invitation to lean into a love and power far greater than we can imagine…

… an invitation to remember who we are and what we came here to do…

… an invitation to breathe…. and know….

…. that God is already there.

There is nothing for you to do…. there is nothing for you to fear.

“If God is for us, who can be against us?” – Romans 8:31

It’s not a path free from fear and pain…. but rather a path that includes love and courage… trust and an energy far more powerful than fear.

When I would hear this song during my pregnancy, it would rumble my soul and hold my heart, reminding me of who I am…. and my relationship with God.

I would feel the darkness and pain of my mind and everything the world was telling me to believe about my situation… the fear and helplessness that made it hard to breathe…

…. and then a miracle occurred and I was reminded that I didn’t have to live in darkness.

I didn’t have to be alone, and scared, and fearful.

…. I was reminded of my invitation to live in my light….

…. that I was in fact a child of God and already had a place at the table of peace and life.

I didn’t have to earn my way out of the darkness….

…. I didn’t have to get permission from a doctor or a specialist or anyone else to have acceptance into the light of God….

… I already had it.

It is our birth right to live in the light of the Lord and step into our power here on earth.

I just had to accept the invitation… and remember who I am.

I experienced this transition during this song…. a scared, vulnerable, desperate mother, who remembered that God’s will was already done…. the light within me never went away and no external situation would be capable of stealing the truth that lives within the blueprint of our souls….

…. that the He within us is far greater than the he that lives in the world.

I realized that I was in buried in my tomb…. that darkness was clouding my mind and my heart and convincing me that it was the truth…. that I had no choice… that it was the only choice.

… but then I remembered….

… that I was already saved.

That the light was already waiting… it had never left.

…. and I ran out of that grave.

Into His glorious day.

The truth that this invitation is offered to us every single second of every single day…. shattered my broken heart and I felt the full elevation from one frequency to the next… when the miracle occurs, the phoenix rises and the overwhelming energy of joy, gratitude, power and divinity …. becomes….

I cry and grieve for my soul that she had felt the pain of my forgetting….

…. I forgive myself for forgetting…

… and dwell in the abundance and freedom of remembering…

We always have that choice, and it’s easy to forget.

… but once you remember, the surrender washes over you and you can breathe without the weight of this world…. because you’re free….

I dance between the worlds of high and low all the time…. and just when you think the dance is over, another song starts…. and we keep going… we may not know the steps, or know the song, but we remember why we came …. sometimes we hear our favorite song, and know just what to do…. other times, we aren’t so sure, sometimes sit it out and other times, try a new move….

…. but no matter what, we always come back to remembering why we came…

… we came to dance….

Thank you for reading and have a wonderful week.


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2 thoughts on “Running out of the darkness: How a song about Jesus reminded me of who I am

  1. You are amazing! “When you call upon me and come and pray to me ,I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 2 9:12-13. With Love and God’s blessings.

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