I’m an angrybird…
Really, I live with boiling blood…
I have come to learn a thing or two about it over the course of my adult life.
I had never considered myself an angry person. Probably because I always had such outlets. Then the pressure hit with a vengeance. At 22, I had a baby, graduated college, got married and started my first salaried position. The next year I bought a house. And the babies, jobs, cleaning, cooking, daycare, marriage, work… never ended, just.got.deeper.
The responsibility really took its toll after a while and I was pretty much hitting my knees all the time… praying for help…
Frustration, yelling, arguing, blaming…
Very external…. and also internal..
Angry at myself. Guilt, shame, regret, sadness…
Unwilling to forgive.
Not even knowing that forgiveness could be my ticket out.
Growing up Catholic, I always thought forgiveness was something you asked of God…
…not something you gave yourself.
The profound thought which transformed my life
I also knew I was too angry for my own good. And that I wanted to find ways to work on it.
I addressed the external by taking inventory of what I want, what I like or don’t like about my job, positive influences, journaling, drawing, listening to audios.
The internal, working on the guilt, shame and sadness that lies underneath the anger.
Overtime, I have managed a much better outcome just by being aware of my thoughts and acting as the observer.
Compassion and forgiveness for myself.
I have read this idea a few different ways and it’s what resonates with me now.
The root of our suffering lies in this thought:
We want what we have to be something different than it is.
We are essentially not at peace with our situation, or the moment we are having.
This applies to our relationships and for me, most profoundly, to my children.
Once I let go of who I think they should be or how I think they should be acting, the relief is essential. And life becomes free.
We feel discomfort when we think things should be different than they are. Acknowledging what things are, is not saying you are happy with them, or even accepting them as your destiny.
When I feel negative emotions, I ask myself: What about this do I wish was different?
This has always proven to lead me in the direction of my truth. If you’re honest with yourself about this answer then you are much closer to that resolution… that relief that we crave.
No shame or guilt needed. Just calling out what is… allowing you to get real about where you are and where you’d really like to be.
The pain isn’t in the “problem.” It’s in our perspective of the problem. What we think things should look like. And then being angry that they aren’t there and convincing ourselves they never will be there. Or we don’t deserve something different.
Once we call it out, we can then ask for guidance… a willingness to see things differently… a call for a miracle… a shift in perception.
Therein lies our peace.
Read more about this from Ram Dass, he nailed it in his recent blog post: When Emotion Takes Over
Thank you, and God bless.