Why I love to read "Do less and create more" when it comes to my kids!

 

The idea: Do less and create more

 

Intuitively, I have always leaned more towards “leaning out” when it comes to my kids.
It started when Charlie was growing up and I believed the idea that if you don’t come when they call, they will grow resilient muscles…
They will lean on their own understanding and experiences and slowing separate from needing me to be there.
This was totally natural to me.
A thought I have always carried about being a parent: I want my children to be independent… I want them to be independent of me and I of them.
 
I want us to have our own identities and I want to cultivate my own life and journey that is inter-dependent of them, but independent of them.
I am on a journey, and they are on their own journey…. I am here to be a guide, teacher and lover…
I will not use them to satisfy my own needs or emptiness….any voids within myself, I will take responsibility for and fill them up through my own spiritual practice…
In order to accomplish this, I have always chosen a path that hasn’t always been easy…
I rarely hover… if anything, I am on the other end of the spectrum.
It is not because I do not care…. very much the opposite…
I have faith in my children and I believe that they can take care of themselves…. they can entertain themselves… they can recognize that I am here and I love them and I support them…. but they can do a lot of things on their own…. I don’t need to come running when they call….and between the two of them, they can learn and practice conflict management…
One piece of this that comes up for me and puts me at an un-natural state… is food… I do actively promote eating healthy and it seems that with parties and school activities, at the store and commercials, there is so much exposure to un-healthy food choices…
This is an area where I find myself stepping in frequently…. although I don’t buy junk food and candy, we have it in the house because the kids collect it from everywhere…. and I have the kids to a great point where they know, typically, it’s just not an option.
Lately, however, we have been eating a fair share of homemade pumpkin cookies… I’ve just got so much pumpkin puree to use!
I’m pretty consistent when it comes to snacking…I encourage my kids to drink a lot of water, and offer fruits and bite-sized veggies before any crackers make it to the table… although my daughter is truly mine…. she loves herself a nice piece of bread…
We typically drink water and milk at our house…
The majority of us are NOT drinking enough water…. My mid-wife instructed me to drink 8 glasses of water a day….and for an easy labor and delivery, I will do just that…

But guess what? For the past 3 days, since I’ve been writing down my diet, I’ve only consumed 4 glasses a day…. now I drink 1-3 cups of tea a day, which you may include as water, but still….

Why to do less and create more works for me

Again, intuitively, this makes sense to me… it works for me…
I feel confident that I can do my life and my kids can do their life and we can have a parallel journey…
I can read and write on a Saturday, while my kids run around, play games, fight with each other, make up again, run around the house, lay on the floor, take out all the toys, whine and complain for an hour about putting them back, play dress-up, ride their bikes in the house, chase the dogs, eat yogurt, and yes, watch shows or play games on the Ipad….
There are moments, in the middle of any given day, when I look over at my 3-year-old son, and he’s laying on the couch, or the floor, with his pillow, sucking his thumb (I’m sure he’ll grow out of it!), gazing out the window… he’s daydreaming…
I love these moments when I find my kids in dreamland because they have learned to take care of themselves… they don’t need me…they don’t need a tv and they don’t even need toys…. maybe a pillow and a worn-in thumb….

What others say about doing less and creating more

I was inspired to write this piece after reading another article that encourages  my instinctive behavior to let my kids be bored and let them be…
The article was in the recent issue of Parents Magazine, which, for me, is 50/50 with their articles… half I like, the other half I disagree with…

The article titled: “Why we need to lean back (from our kids): We’re running ourselves ragged parenting our children. It’s better – for us and our kids – if we’re less hands-on” by Gail O’Connor, Parents’ senior editor.

Sometimes I feel like the old adage, “Talk about anything but religion and politics” has taken a back seat to our parenting styles… the more you read, the more you can get into negativity and competition…

I’m interested in creating a positive position on whatever works for me….and you!

This is about being happy…and remembering that we can infuse love and peace into all our relationships…including those with our kids…

This is tough….

We can be ruled by chaos… and fear….

Regardless of further research on this topic, I love reading O’Connor’s article that states:

Besides the worry of not doing enough to help our kids keep up, there’s also plain old fear at the root of our hovering. Kids live in a safer time than ever: Violent crime is at its lowest rate in 40 years, and sexual abuse of children has been decreasing for more than a decade. But in this clickable age where well-meaning friends forward accounts of attempted child abductions, we believe danger is lurking around every corner.

Jennifer Senior, author of the book All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood, saw the fear phenomenon firsthand in her visits to the suburbs of Houston. “There were parents who won’t let their kids play in the front yard. I would point out to them that crime rates were at a record low. And they all acknowledged it was irrational, “says Senior.

I appreciate the opportunity to look at the day to day experiences I have with my kids, and validate the few things that are most important to me as a parent, and as a person…and validate my intuition… even as it changes… I am happy to embrace my own thoughts and ideas as a parent….and as a person… and go with that…. regardless of what others are doing and what the research says….

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