What you do when your 1st grader is upset about people at school + We are OK

Having to clean up leads to a break-down…

It wasn’t until she and her brother had to pick up all the toys they took out, that she started to break down.

Before they could eat dinner, they had to put everything away upstairs that they took out.
Charlie gets very frustrated when Theo doesn’t help clean up and although I remind her that he’s still little, she gets overwhelmed by the fact that he’s just sitting there…
I recommended she hand him things and be excited about telling him where they go…
She cries….gives up….and says that nothing is fair…
Then she cries about everyone yelling at her today at school.
Her teacher yelled at all the kids for not listening….her friend tattled on her…
Some kids in her class even told her that her water bottle looked like a baby bottle…
Really, 1st graders? 
Have you no sense of how much water one needs throughout the day to stay healthy and have you really never seen a baby bottle before?

The truth comes out

Charlie was very sad because she went on to tell me that the girl she likes to hang out with told her she didn’t want to talk to her… Actually, Charlie reminded this girl about sitting on the carpet a certain way like the teacher said, and in response, the girl told her she didn’t want to talk to her…clearly a defense mechanism…
We all have a hard time communicating our feelings, I understand…
Charlie knows this girl well and likes to hang with her, but says that she doesn’t know when she’s going to mean or nice…
May the learning continue, my dear girl….

We all just want to feel ok

I couldn’t wait to teach this lesson, it was practically bursting out of me…
I reminded Charlie that she is amazing, special, wonderful, smart and full of love…
So is her friend…
And there are times when we forget this very thing…and we say mean things…others say mean things to us…
We must remember….in that moment of pain….that we are OK….

Charlie is still loving Charlie, even when her friend makes her feel bad…
The negative comment has nothing to do with us….the others around us have a hard time communicating because they are trying to figure things out, too….
When your teacher yells at the class….he or she is doing the best they can….and are having a hard time…
It does not mean that we are bad…..

It simply means that the teacher is going through something and what it must feel like with 20+ kids all doing something different, not listening…

What I told Charlie to say…

I told her to look her friend in the eye and say, “I do not appreciate you talking to me that way and I’m not going to hang out with you if you treat me that way.”
Charlie was a little apprehensive at first, but started to feel comfortable with the words I taught her to use… She asked me if she could tell her teacher what her mom told her to say if her friend was rude to her…
She felt there needed to be a conversation with her teacher before hand because she was afraid her friend would tell on her if she said something like that to her…
I told her if that’s what she felt she needed to do, then do it…
People treat you the way  you teach them to treat you I told Charlie.
I gave the example of her brother and when she yells at him, he yells right back.
He’s only 3 so he is really learning how to communicate.
I said, so you are teaching the kids at school how to treat you, by not saying anything to them about it.
She said, “But they aren’t 3 years old, they are my age…they should know better.”
And there you have it, my sweet girl…. there will be many that know not what they do….they are doing the best they can…. and as long as we know who we are… we can forgive them….and let it go…
She said there was one girl in her class who is always nice to her and asks her to play…. 
“Allow yourself to spend more time with her, babe…There are going to be people your age who are easy to communicate with….and there will be others where it’s not as easy….Either way….you are OK…and it’s your choice who you want to spend time with… if you want to hang out with your one girl friend, you have to accept her for who she is, knowing that she’s not always great at communicating her feelings…and she can be mean… it’s your choice whether you want to forgive her and let it go or spend more time hanging out with other friends…”
Either way….you are OK….

I told Charlie I was sorry I couldn’t be there when she felt hurt throughout the day…
I also told her that some parents home school their kids so don’t think that her only option is to adapt to the personalities and situations of the public school system…
And the kids who make her feel bad at school are probably at home right now, crying to their parents about something else and picking their noses…
But back to the being hurt part…
I told her that if she still felt hurt, even after she remembered she was totally OK, to think of me….and lean on my faith in her awesomeness…. and think of Daddy…doing a funny dance…
We learn the feeling of not being OK….
Heck, I’m probably part of her thinking that, telling her all the things she can’t do and reminding her to do all the things she doesn’t want to do….clean up, brush her teeth, put away her clothes, all of it…
So I see where her pain comes from….and I actually really do wish I could take that pain from her…
Parents say that about their kids…. like they wish they could absorb that pain so their kid didn’t have to feel it…
I totally get that…. however, what turns it all around…. is having the opportunity to teach them how to alleviate their own pain…

I feel blessed to be able to learn more about her pain….and help her realize where it’s coming from, what’s up with these other kids and her teachers… and what it means to her and her life…
At one point, I was role playing a response, for the next time someone in her class says something she doesn’t like…
I did start speaking with a broken Italian accent and did the F^%$ off hand gesture, with my hand under my chin, muttering, “Fongoo”… Eh, experimenting comes with these things…. I think I coaxed over it something like, “Eh, forget about it”….this was me channeling our great Italian grandfathers and grandmothers… 
Nonetheless, personal responsibility for our own crap all comes down to feeling OK with ourselves….and our crap…. release the crap and remember that we are totally awesome…all the time…forgive, let it go and remember that everyone is doing the best they can.
And I’m going to pray with Charlie tomorrow morning…let’s get our energy set instead of me screaming that we are going to miss the bus…. always learning…I’m so thankful for every moment….

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