Flying Mermaid

Spring is springing but leaving itself quickly for summer!

Children are laughing, growing, playing, riding and still playing. Charlie will be turning five in a little over a week and is excited to start Kindergarten in the fall… I’m not ready, but will get used to it. Things are moving quickly around the house, but still progressing slowly. The kids are cute and I have to work on staying relaxed and calm when things get messed up constantly and yelling and screaming are all the time. Keep a routine but stay flexible… really? Is that possible? Try…. Theo’s in bed and it’s nice to be able to sit down and concentrate while Charlie plays… colors, cuts and glue-sticks it down…. Daddy’s in the kitchen making something that smells good… even if I didn’t work, I’m not even sure I’d have a good meal on the table every night… we’re in and out, helping, working and getting it done, creating things to get done, and getting them done… having things force themselves on us to get done and getting them done… feeling guilty and unproductive when we think things don’t get done…a speaker on the Christian radio station said, “God didn’t give us these moments so we could rush past them and hope for the future. He gave them to us so we can be in the moment and enjoy them.” I thought about how I rushed the kids to get dressed the other day and got annoyed by the aggravation of attending to their every squabble as I tried to put the laundry away and clean something, can’t even remember what it was now. It takes work…wow, it sure does. Every moment is given to us to enjoy and be present for. Although it’s a struggle, it’s worth remembering to slow down and be present. What’s supposed to be happening is right in our faces and it’s my honor to embrace… still extremely hard, but I have faith that this is it…. I’m talking about family here, I’m not talking about career… I have no idea about that part of my life, I’m just saying that when it comes to my kids and my family, I’m working really hard… training myself… like for a marathon…. of forever…. to slow down and focus on what is… be patient… be kind…. take deep breaths and really allow for it to sink in… like receiving a football pass… the ball doesn’t stop dead in its tracks, it is received (I’m not making a football reference because I know much about the game, not even 4 years of high school cheer leading could lend itself valuable… I was on the field, every Friday night for 4 years and it wasn’t until I met Sean that I learned anything about football… really adolescence?) . What I’m aiming to do is receive these moments…(Just now I got frustrated with Charlie, mid sentence, because she wanted to use more of my scotch tape for a piece of paper she ripped)… “If you don’t ever use the tape, why’s it on your desk” she asks. “It’s for me, for emergencies, I need it to be available to me if I need tape”… she thinks I don’t need tape… I don’t really use it often, but I’d like it to be there if I need it for something… it’s things like this that mess with my flow… who cares about the tape, right? It’s my personal battle between control and normalcy and my own expectations that get destroyed like a tornado when a strong-willed preschooler has other ideas about what she wants to do with her time. She did, however, make this pretty, creative “flying mermaid” she called it…. I’m not convinced it’ll get easier, but it’s trying everyday, and I’m trying every day… I’ll continue to make an effort to stretch my comfort-zone muscles and let my little mermaid fly…

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