to reach for a dream
and make it your own…
to be brave enough
to invest a part of your heart
in something real that brings you
To have a close circle of friends
and the love of family to share
all of life’s special moments with…
to have a special sense of purpose
and an inner strength
that gives you the confidence
to face each new day with boldness
~ Cindy Chuksudoon
If I were to say that I’ve already mastered this feat myself is to say that Charlie will keep the water in the bathtub now and forever. It is the confidence that leads to boldness that I continually strive for. I’d like to throw experience in the mix as well, seeing as how time gives us all three. I acknowledge my presence in the world of all kinds and recognize that I can either make my mark today or I can prepare myself to make my mark later. What I mean by making my mark is servicing the most amount of people I can, in the shortest amount of time. Think big. If I have x amount of clients who have x amount of clients, so on and so forth, think about the number of people I can touch; Movie making: huge touch, exhilarating.
Miss Charlie is now 2 years old. She wants to know everything about everything. “What’s dis?” “What’s dis?” I’m cooking in the kitchen and she’s sitting at the dinner table, eating, facing my direction. “Mama” she asks. “Yes, Baby.” I look over at her and she just smiles coyly. I ask, “Are you messing with me?” She laughs. The questioning later continues. “Mama?” “Yes, Baby.” “What’s dis?” She hold up her fork. I tilt my head in the you-know-what-that-is manner. I say, “Fork.” She says, “Yes, fork.” Almost as if she’s saying, ‘Good job, Mama, you’re smart.’ How can I expect her to act any differently, when she’s learning how to teach. She’s learning how to point at something and ask what it is. So, half the time she really wants to know, like when she points to a tiny speckle of grass that made its way into the kitchen, and the other half of the time, she’s replaying back to me what I’ve taught her. Fascinating. I can’t always say that everything I play for her recording purposes is beneficial, as it will be something she struggles with later in life. These are the things we all struggle with. The look of horror she sees on my face when she climbs onto a chair and threatens her safety. She doesn’t understand that she could fall. She thinks she caused that look of horror on my face and it’s inevitable, but my job is to keep her safe. I’ll give you my “I’m Ok, You’re Ok” book when you’re 12, Charlie. I hope she’ll understand my important task of keeping her safe. We were outside yesterday and she started running away from me, and didn’t listen when I said “Stop.” I took her inside, she cried for about a minute, and then I knelt down and said, “Charlie, when we are outside and Mama says Stop, you have to stop what you’re doing. I have to keep you safe, so please listen to Mama.” I make her shake my hand and say, “Deal.” She gives me a hug. I think she thought she was in time out, because after I got done telling her all this, she leaned in for a hug. That’s what we do after time out. Discipline… she inspires me, assures me it works.
This morning I was in her bed room, getting her clothes and starting singing. I’ll reveal what I was singing, only because American Idol was on last night and Kara suggested to Megan that she should be singing Adele or Amy Winehouse. I agree. So I sang, “They try to make me go to rehab, I said, “no, no, no.”” Charlie’s in the other room, sitting with Daddy, and I hear her start to sing. I come in and she stops. I said, “Were you singing?” She covers her eyes and says in a sing songy voice, “Nooo” (her voice starts low and goes up high, you know the sound). Sean and I just smiled at each other, delighted in the little personality we get to experience and love. Oh, and while we are on to music, Charlie can play the piano. Seriously. She ‘s funny, fantastic, smart and even though the crying can get incessant and mind numbing, it’s really just a mild discomfort in the opportunity I have to share my life with this little miracle of love.